Hello, What’s Your Name?
A three week adventure around Vietnam.
After our disastrous ride from the day before, today I decided to treat Niki to a lazy day by the beach, so with that we jumped on our bikes…..pedal power this time for the 5km ride to Cua Dai Beach. It was a relaxing early morning ride, pass rice paddies, lily fields and kids heading off to school. We followed the Thu Bon River as it bends towards the sea, finally arriving at the empty beaches of Cua Dai. Parking our bikes up and paying 100k dong for two sun beds, we relaxed into an inspiring view of crystal blue water lapping against perfect white sandy beaches. The water was cooling against the already sticky morning, the sand was burning and the slight breeze was appreciated. The perfect touch was a beautiful old lady, with aged lines intriguingly crafted into her face who sold us fresh mangoes and a pineapple expertly cut, quartered and skinned. This woman knew how to use a knife and I was envious, if not slightly afraid, of her skills.
This lasted for about 2 hours…
Rule No. 8 of being married – Providing relaxation time is always good for your wife = Happy wife, happy Life!
By 11ish the mainstream tourists had woken from their slumbers and nosily made there way down the beach and decided to plunk themselves on both sides of us. This was the beginning of the end of our relaxation time. Now I’m not usually so grumpy and anti-tourists (each to his or her own), but today was meant to be quiet, meant to be relaxing, meant to be chilled – and then the pawn (I can’t spell it the other way as Google will hate me) star pervert come camera man arrived. You know the type. The one with a camera pretending to take images of the ocean, instead zooming in on women in bikinis as they sunbath, as the put sunscreen on or participating in any other American college year movie stereotypes. What got me was he was so blatantly obvious about it, that I cant believe no one else noticed. So if you were on the beach in Hoi An in July perhaps keep an eye for “girls go crazy in Vietnam” DVD which might be released on YouTube soon.
This was also the time that three lively tourists plunked themselves down and decided to roast themselves to oblivion and I’m talking blisters and skin cancer territory. Not to mention the loud, boisterous and slightly rude bargaining they begun with the pineapple lady. Is it really that important that you pay 20 cents more than a local? We can afford it. However this was nothing compared to a particular badly behaved British couple that were about make an appearance. So let’s set the scene: All the sun beds are lined up under umbrellas, so everyone has a perfect sea view of the beach in front of them and can pull the beds forward to get into the sun without blocking the other person sight. So lets welcome our tourists, who stroll in and instantly throw their clothes to the ground, pull out their beds and then in the most bizarre thing, turn them sideways and place them in front of everyone else so they can’t see the water. WHAT THE!?!?!
I was seething, this isn’t good beach etiquette and totally disrespectful. So what did I do? I wrote them an imaginary letter.
Dear British Couple on the Beach in Hoi An
I am writing to you to inform you that just because you think you have god’s gift of a body, it doesn’t mean you have the right to make everyone look at it. And no, contrary to popular belief no one wants you to pop your pimples in front them, it’s just not cool. I didn’t pay my money to witness that! So next time you come to the beach, please don’t put your chair in front us so that you completely block our view from the beautiful sea view. Instead, grab a mango, be a little more considerate and chill out!
PS Get a wax!
With that, I felt my stress levels going through the roof and decided enough was enough, jumped back on our bikes and headed back to the hotel to mope. I thought of putting a book together of all the rude and annoying things travelers and tourists do – what do you think? Dear American Tourist in Italy, no one wants to hear you sing to your boyfriend at the back of the bus for 2 hours, and then turn to him and say “I think I should become a singer” in a non joking manner. I’m sure I’ve done some rude things and I’m not perfect, but generally I try to think of others whilst I travel. Anyway enough of my soap box, for today was just warming to be one of the most memorable days in Vietnam…I was about to become a celebrity.